Ashley Gonzalez

October 4th, 2023

You must obliterate your past self to forge the person you aspire to be. Instead of justifying your past actions, confront them head-on. Seek to comprehend them deeply. Move forward and evolve. Yes, it’s a bitter truth. Acknowledging that even your best can ascend higher. Nobody’s flawless. Extend kindness to yourself.

Until now, I’ve been trapped in the safety of familiarity. The thought of truly facing myself terrifies me. The urge for change is strong, yet I hesitate to take the necessary steps towards complete self-accountability. Growing to resent myself entirely, instead of removing myself from situations that no longer serve me. This obssesion to prove others wrong about me has become all-consuming. Fuck that and fuck them. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by their expectations, but by your own.

It’s crucial to remember that having expectations for others is a futile endeavor. It implies an unwarranted sense of control over another person. Respectfully put, you don’t have that power, and you never will. It’s wiser to channel your energy towards things within your control. Pouring your love, time, and energy into yourself is the most rewarding investment. Devote your love, time, and energy to nurturing yourself, for it is a love that remains constant and unchanging.

Gradually, I lost sight of my true self. I’m not even certain if I truly liked the person I once was. Subconsciously, I let go of her, convinced that this choice would lead to the birth of a more empowered version of myself. A ‘me’ that exuded happiness and success, someone others admired. I often wish I could reclaim her, but she no longer aligns with my journey. I value the trials we faced together, and, even more importantly, the triumphs we celebrated. She endured so much, yet felt like she experienced nothing at all. She’s the reason I’m here today, and I realize now that I should have shown her more grace.

A cloud gradually settled over me. I persuaded myself that if I persevered and suppressed it long enough, the sun would eventually break through. Every accomplishment felt trivial, each interaction seemed devoid of meaning. I found myself simply going through the motions, wearing a smile when required, while deep inside, there was a void. Doing what was expected of me, I checked off all the boxes, but the list was never mine.

The beautiful thing about life is that you are in control, even during moments when it might seem otherwise. You possess the power to shape the path you tread and the life you lead. Despite my apprehension about the person, I’ve transformed into, I refuse to let it hinder me from becoming the person I aspire to be. It’s time to release myself from the inherited traumas that have burdened me for far too long. They are no longer mine to bear. I recognize that my purpose transcends mere routine. I am conscious of the depth of love I’m capable of giving—a love untouched by insecurities or ego.

Love can heal us all. Not the love between two people, the love we extend to ourselves. Embracing our imperfections with compassion and choosing to grow gracefully. It’s about loving ourselves enough to nurture our own evolution. I want to grow in ways no one can take from me. Committed to creating opportunities I once thought were beyond my reach. I place my bets on myself, unwaveringly, in every circumstance. I’m letting go of the pressure to find a single purpose, knowing I have more than one. I refuse to confine myself to labels or categories. I’m liberating myself from the judgments, critiques, and rejections of others. 

Recognize that you are the prize. Stand confidently in that truth. As far as we know, we all have only one shot at this thing called life. Don’t waste it feeling less than extraordinary. our days of lingering in the shadows are behind you. Step boldly into your own light—a radiance so compelling that it eclipses even the sun. Burn with a strength so profound that only the right person can truly grasp it. Your presence on this earth is a gift, and the right individuals will make you feel nothing less. Never beg to be chosen. Validation is one hell of a drug. A drug we’ve all fallen victim to. Letting go is one of the hardest things you can do. Staying is the easy path; liberate yourself from these shackles. Instead of fixating on the potential you perceive in others, seek out the potential within yourself.

Sometimes it takes tearing your house down to the beams and rebuilding. It doesn’t matter how pretty you think the home is; if the foundation is poor, it will eventually crumble. This process will be extremely taxing, but it’s the price you pay to live the life you deserve. As long as you persist, moving steadily towards your aspirations, one step after another, you will reach your destination. It’s yours for the taking.

I’m at a point in life where stagnation is no longer an option. I’m metaphorically burning down my house, confident in my ability to rebuild it stronger than before. Armed with the tools and skills I’ve gathered along my journey, I’m discerning what truly serves me, and leaving behind what doesn’t. I’m committed to staying true to myself, even when it’s tempting to hide.

My vision of who I aspire to be serves as my guiding light on this journey. I no longer dread change; instead, I fear remaining stagnant. I trust in my abilities, knowing I’ll not only attain my goals but surpass them. We all bear our burdens differently, but it should never influence how we treat others. Extend the same grace to people that you wish to receive yourself. Hold firm in your commitment to transcend. Your emotions are valid, but they shouldn’t dictate your actions. You deserve enduring happiness. Stay present on your path, allow yourself to experience all emotions, and embrace the journey. Above all, remember that you’re not alone.

We got this.

Stay blessed and remember to drink water. xo